Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Bitter Truth

The lack of updates well explain my life at the moment.

Busy. Bitter. Helpless.

Though I hate to admit, my mood has not been good lately and I tried really hard to control it especially when it comes to work. It was all within control till one day I finally EXPLODED in the office, shocking all my colleagues and my boss on my outburst. Totally unprofessional but couldn't help it. My bad. It was quiet and peaceful when I suddenly yelled at somebody and threw a tentrum. I was so angry I had to immediately report it to my boss because a certain someone had pushed me way over my limits.

That night itself, I worked late till 8pm+ and got to know something that made me pretty unhappy yet I couldn't voice it out because I am in no position to say anything. However, I felt really betrayed and I realised people can just break their promise thinking that it will not affect anyone. Have they ever think of how others would react? I felt really disappointed and again, I am back to this situation - Unhappy and frustrated.

Tonight, even the water decided to bully me! I couldn't turn off the shower water because each time I tried to turn the knob, the water would start bursting through the knob and almost flooded my toilet. I was all alone at home and tried to call my neighbours but all were not at home! After that managed to get a lady neighbour to help but every single plumber or contractor we called either did not pick up or was not available. Talk about pure bad luck! At that moment of time I was really scared and I felt so helpess. I didn't know who to call for help and who to rely on when in times of trouble.... I just know I gotta do it alone. In the end, managed to get someone in to help, thankfully.

On personal note, I'd prefer to keep it rather personal as all that in my life right now is devastating. I did a lot of thinking and all I ever want is to take a break, from the rest of the world. Just me alone away from everyone. As simple as that.

In times of adversities, I do not want to explain myself to anyone. It is best not to react because I couldn't help but to think that I'm a good-for-nothing. If there's me or No-me in this world, it doesn't make a slight difference at all. All I need is an escape from reality and back when I am readied to. Sadly, I can't do it.... just yet.
(wanna die also must die at the right time so won't pull people into the water, right?)

Very negative post.

Don't read and follow my footsteps.


YilingL said...

shit happens

Anonymous said...

Where is your Greg? I am sure he can comfort you and make you feel better.


* ZILING * said...

I do not need anyone to make me feel better. Every difficulty faced will only push us forward :)

Anonymous said...

Glad you are feeling better :)