Sunday, March 1, 2009

Lost My Passion

I have been undergoing a very stressful life for almost 3 months. The biggest contributor is from work, where I'd come home 9pm all drained up almost every night. Come Monday, there will be more drama and politics at work as we have a NEW ADDITION to the so-called-family.


Tomoro will be the day where I'd have to wear my armour suit to the battle field again. This time, it'll be heavier than ever and the battle's gonna be fiercer than the ones I had for 3 months. Talking about it, I began to fear going to work as the days are gonna be unpredictable.


For these few months, I felt a big part of me have changed. Things that I used to love are no longer the things I'd enjoy now. I blame it on behalf of stress as that's the only factor I could think of, for now. For instance, I used to love taking pictures as I'm always carrying a camera with me. I love takng pictures of events, of people and of FOOD! But these few months, I have lost my passion in photography. I still do carry a camera around but I no longer take pictues nor be in any picture anymore. Somehow I lost interest in photography as I find my life losing its colors.


For these 3 difficult months, I've always hoped my man will be standing by me to support me in these difficult days. I no longer feel the same way I felt about him ....... the feelings when we were together, happy and free. To the world, we are together but in my world, we are physically and emotionally apart. I felt as if I have been living by my own for these 3 months. While I tried my best to be concerned in his work and his projects, he has never once asked me if I am okay at work. Never. I am with a guy whom everyone thinks is perfect for me but all these while, I am all alone. He will never care about anyone but himself and he is always right all the time. I am very tired having to put a mask everytime I wake up to lie to the whole world that I am happy. I began to lose my respect and admiration for my man and once I lose it all, I can no longer find love in my heart. Perhaps after our Bangkok trip, I will have a decision for both of us if things were to continue this way.


I hope there will be someone out there whom will be able to make me smile again. I desperately need it. But for now, I am very tired and the reason why I'm blogging today is to tell everyone that I will not be blogging for sometime. This will be my last post until I can find colors in my life, then I will blog again.


PS: I do not need anyone to come up to me to tell me to do this or that. I need no advices, I just need support. Let's not play the 'blaming' game as I think it is only fair for me to say as long as he realises his mistakes and is willing to change, I will be willing to forgive. However, whether we get back together or not will be a different story.


Goodbye.





12 comments:

Vivien said...

hi,

i am an avid reader of your sisters and your blog.

wish you regain your photographing passion soon

cindy khor said...

hopefully everything could be sorted out asap... i know its extremely difficult if its only a one-sided-wanting-to-solve-the-prob...cuz i'm now having this trouble too...but i guess your's is much tense as you got more pressure from work... anyway, fingers cross and toughen up your heart...you are the metal lady...

Anonymous said...

midnight charm,

cheer up...I'm having same problem as you..pressure from works and politics between colleagues and no one at my side coz i'm still consider new in the company...they have a culture stated that senior always right, althought i'm putting double efforts on my works..but nobody can see my effort n all that...and as for relationship, i do understand ur feelings...no care, no understanding..he care others and himself more than me...i felt i m alone although i spend most of my time with him...by the way...hope all ur problems can be solve and be brave...everything will be all right, try to work out soemthing, don give up easily with the one that you really love..btw...u have a very happy family..and you r not alone....CHEERS for metal lady!!!

gringo said...

relaks la kak

ahh small girl said...

ALWAYS LOOK AT THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS.....

Huai Bin said...

All the best Ziling! I wish you well.

Anonymous said...

It appears your relationship with Greg may not last long.

-eiling- said...

why always on off one?!!

Anonymous said...

do not feel this way for too long otherwise u will miss out on the colourful flavours in life.

Your blogs may not be as attractive as yiling or as pretentious and snobbish as eiling, but it always have some intereting read there. Try to keep up the good work. you will find blogging help to release all tension inside

*xi-ne*

Anonymous said...

midnight charm,

Always remember that never ever change yourself just to fit yourself into someone's life else you will miss out all the colourful things around you. Cheer up :)

Anonymous said...

hey come back soon, loved ur blog
lily.

kuan han said...

Ziling,

Saw the last post a month ago, came back a few times throughout the month, now a month has passed.. still the same one? how are you ar hmm?